i am touched by your sentmental feelings you expressed here. anyway, i hope you can find your MR Right even though it is too hard to find that person. but do not give up. lift is not all the roses. pick up yourself and carry on...
Thanks for reading my words. Here is just an english diary for me. BTW, I am not so eager to MR right because of the heavy work these days. Anyway, I can keep in touch with the guy who I like at any time. And he cares for me as a friend, which is enough for reliance on sentiment. I am satisfied at present.
Thanks for reading my words. Here is just an english diary for me. BTW, I am not so eager to MR right because of the heavy work these days. Anyway, I can keep in touch with th ...
wentworth 发表于 2009-4-9 21:40
Last saturday, I had dinner with two good friends, a boy and a girl who are both my university classmates. We had a long time walking after the dinner, chatting about what happened around us these days---buzy work, desired love and tired life...
The girl shared her failing datings with "JP" men as she called. I can felt she longed for a relation which may lead her to marriage. But to my surprise, such an excellent girl as she is with good looking and rich salary, still had lots of problem on dating. She told us, there were some good guys who had very good impression on her, but they all failed.
"Sometimes I speculated that maybe I was the problem, however, I begin to reailse it is just not so easy after all of this." She concluded.
LT came back to HZ from work.
Did you had sex this weekend? He asked me on phone.
Not any more. I said.
Go to find a relation you want sincerely.
You think I don't want it? But how?
.........
And what about you? I asked him.
I gave up. I had a GF and I guess I will marry her. LT answered.
.........
I borrowed five novels to get away from reality temporarily.
It is not about love, but life, the situation involve in.
Rushing on the way home, I got a call from LT.
How about having supper together? LT said on phone.
Fine, wait me for 3 Min. I got off the bus and walked fast to the place where he was.
Then, supper,conversation. It seemed I'd known more about him, but I felt I got even more farther from him than ever. I was lost by that.
LT suggested to make something fun after supper.
How about KTV? He said.
Just two of us ?
I knew it clearly that LT wanna have sex with me that night. But I just can't make it, in despite of that I have affection on him. So I insisted to have a walk, which made him depressed.
We walked a long way teasing each other, then sat on the chair to kill time like BFs.
Had lunch with Toan yesterday, whom I met last time for a year ago.
It is always a happy thing for me to meet old friends. Toan said.
I'm loving this, sitting in the sunshine and chatting & laughing.
There are three persons right now around me. And you know that I am not a person that can be satisfied easily, en..but there is a guy that touched me a lot. Toan said to me smaily.
.......
I sent a message to Lin that "I just had lunch with Toan. I supposed to give you a call, but Toan asked any reason ? Then I get it such I have already paid the bill that it is really no need to call you."
"I've just finished the work and am about to be back home". Lin replied.
......
That guy wanna date me out for a film. Toan said to me . I' m so sorry that I can't be accompanied with you any more.
Fine, have fun. I said to Toan.
.........
I told a friend the story through QQ.
Heh, it's just because you realise what you want. And it is life, my boy. He sent the words.
When I got the message from Toan, I was too astonished to believe he lost his job. I called back to him immediately and got that it was due to a failure of job-changing.
It will be fine. Try to be patient and you will get a satisfied job. I comforted him on the phone. At the point I hung on, I said to Toan in my heart that you have a good BF at least.
Almost every time I called to Toan, I was told he was accompanied with his BF. In this situation. no one could tell which is more important, a good job or a good BF? But I know BF’s body is definitely warmer than the cash.
I never cover my envy on Toan for the relationship he is in with that man. It seems a hard thing for me to own a relation such as Toan’s. The icon on QQ list is bright but never sends a text. It only leaves a nice dialogue record with a man whom I was a little affection on. I don’t know the reason why it changed so fast from one night to another. Till I realized I’ve also done the same thing to the icons on the list, I understood this is the world of gay. a distorted real world with a little happiness difficult to reach.
I don’t want to complain or hate whatever. As what I told to Toan, improve yourself to fit the job you like, No compromise or fantasy, let’s play the game of life.
I got the offer half month ago. I felt so exciting that it is really a good and satisfied job, but it didn't last for long. I worked overtime a lot in order to quit the job as soon as possibly. I thought there would be some days free before the new job, but I was totally wrong.
When I figured out this words, I shouled be in the car on the way back home. The damn car-license, whcih sufered me a lot, took me 3 days and made me exhausted. The driving exam place is far away from the urban area. Then it suddenlly reminded me Toan gave me a call some days ago to told me that he had just finished the exam and was waiting for his BF to drive him home, of cause it is their "home". Ok, it is bare jealousy.
Headache came to me round for round. Sometimes I wanna give up all and hide in a place sleeping as long as I want. But I am pushed again and again without anyone to share. I wanna love which is true.
I thought he was my Mr right. Actually he was, but I failed. This damn moment was so familiar and it did hurt badly. The pic and dialogue record can be deleted at once, but how to erase the affection after it was broken?